There have been times in our practice where we meet couples who haven’t had sex in a decade or more. This may sound shocking to some, but it is not unheard of. Whether you’ve gone many weeks, months, or years without having sex, or you’d like to improve the quality of your relationship with your partner, we have CSAT’s (Certified Sex and Addiction Therapists) who can help teach you how to develop sexual health at our Bountiful, Utah clinic.
How Much Sex is the Right Amount?
We often get asked what the right amount of sex is. Of course, there is no right amount. Every couple is going to be different. But you’ll know if you’re not having the quantity or quality sex you need, which can be a very particular kind of misery, leading to various behavioral addictions, which will be counterproductive to a healthy life.
Conflicting Messages about Sexuality
We live in a culture that gives contradicting messages about sex. On the one hand, our culture is hyper-sexualized. On the other hand, it undervalues sexual health. People feel excess value placed on being desired by others, while also feeling a need to appear sexually pure, without the tools to genuinely understand their own sexual identity and needs.
Too often, especially here in Utah, patriarchal traditions create a culture where women are expected to be silent, and men are encouraged to act in inappropriate ways. This state of things doesn’t just create an unfair advantage for men. A history of patriarchy hurts both women and men, preventing members of both genders from finding healthy sexual relationships.
Many men and women can find themselves addicted to sex and pornography. Often people in Davis County Utah are raised in a conservative culture that values “sexual purity.” Maybe they received the wrong message from well-meaning parents and adult leaders who were trying to help them make wise decisions about sex, causing shame and embarrassment about their sexuality.
Schedule an Appointment with a CSAT to discuss your Sexual Health
Novelty and Sameness
Another paradox about human sexuality is our need for novelty and sameness. Many of our single clients feel a lot of unease because so much is uncertain in early dating relationships. Those in established relationships can struggle with too much certainty. Partners long for the novelty of something new, which can lead to infidelity and pornography addiction.
How can people on long-term relationships find newness on partnerships that also provide necessary stability? It’s important to remember that people change over time. Your partner will be a different person in a year or five years. As individuals in a committed relationship are allowed to grow and develop, a sense of newness can coexist with sameness.
Becoming Sexually Self Aware
Becoming a sexually healthy person is a journey of discovery of the self. Becoming more aware of who you are, what your sense of identity is, and becoming more comfortable in your own skin will help you understand how to have a healthier sexual relationship with your partner.
Ongoing couples counseling and relationship maintenance can also be an essential part of the sexual healing process.
Often you hear couples say they have grown apart. They may seek help when facing the prospect of divorce. But sometimes it’s too late at that point to solve the problems which have arisen.
It’s far better to be proactive in your relationship. Learn how to develop the skills, habits, and deep connection needed for a happy long-term partnership. Prevent problems before they happen and create a template for a fulfilling relationship that takes into account human growth, which is inevitable. Learn to be continuously surprised and excited with your partner, rather than falling into the deep morass of sameness.
If you’re concerned about your sexual mental health, contact a certified sex addiction therapist at our Bountiful, Utah clinic. You won’t regret prioritizing this essential component of a healthy life.