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You’ve Discovered Your Partner has been Keeping Secrets about Sex

Now What

It’s devastating to discover that your partner is a sex addict. This involves what is now called, “betrayal trauma.” You surely want help but aren’t sure what type of therapy is needed and what’s available here in Bountiful, Utah.

You may have suspected for a long time that the problem was more significant than you thought. Now that you know, your world is upside down and it’s challenging to know what to do next.

Questions probably bombard your mind:

  • “Is sex/pornography a real addiction?”
  • “I am so confused; I have to know everything that happened. Who is this person I’m with?”
  • “I am so hurt, I don’t want to know anything. Should I want to know?”
  • “Is this going to get better, or am I stuck?”
  • “What am I supposed to do now?”

Feeling Lost

It’s common when someone finds out about their partner’s sexual or pornography addiction for them to feel lost or despondent. Swings in mood or perceptions of the relationship are also frequent. One minute you are angry and ready to leave, and the next minute, you feel hopeless and sad at the prospect of losing your relationship.
Before the discovery of addiction, many partners of addicts describe feeling that something was off and not adding up. They also may have felt like they were causing the problem.

Maybe you tried being more kind, understanding, sexually exciting, or interested in sex to fix what you thought was wrong.

No matter how you found out about your loved one’s secret sexual life, the most significant pain comes from the dishonesty and betrayal. You’re realizing that there may have been years of hiding, lies, and coverups. It’s normal to feel like the reality you knew has collapsed.

You’re suffering from betrayal trauma, which is a real and particular type of mental health injury.

A Partner of a Sex Addict Tells Their Story Finding Help

One of the people we have worked with described it this way after discovering a spouse’s sexual addiction:

“You could take me outside and tell me the sky was orange and I wouldn’t know if that was true or not.  I don’t know what is real and what isn’t anymore.”

The Isolation of Knowing the Truth

Finding out about secret sexual problems or infidelity can rip the rug out from under you. It’s normal to feel alone, full of shame or anger, and completely confused about what to do next. Sometimes the only thing that makes sense is to be entirely focused on your spouse and getting them the help that they need, instead of treating your own trauma. Don’t underestimate just how powerful betrayal can affect your life. There are particular challenges that come to trauma survivors here in Utah, you should be aware of.

Partners of addicts can feel forgotten in the healing process. There are groups, books, and help in abundance for someone addicted to sex–but finding help for partners of addicts can be harder to find.

We understand and offer support services to betrayed partners of addicts. We will help you through the rough first stages of your journey to healing.

We will help you to understand the traumatic impact that discovering sexual or pornography addiction has on you. Recent studies indicate the partners of sex or pornography addicts experience many of the same reactions and symptoms as people with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Don’t Wait. Betrayal Trauma is Damaging. Therapy in Utah is Available

Don’t just sit tight and hope for things to get better. Reclaim your life now!

We provide a safe place where you can respond to the crisis of discovery and emotional aftershock. You will soon find your voice and feelings again and be responding to these challenges clearly and effectively.

You can reclaim yourself and your relationships from sex addiction. We know how to treat betrayal trauma. Our Utah-based counselors specialize in this kind of therapy. Contact us now for your FREE 30-minute phone consultation to get started changing your marriage and partnership.